


If you'd only say yes

by BarricadeKitten (Dominatrix)



Series: I'm staring at the sun but all I see is you [2]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, French idiots in love, Friends With Benefits, Gosh these two, Grantaire is in love and Enjolras has no idea, M/M, Pining, So much angst, Some serious feels, pining!grantaire, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 03:58:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2214924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dominatrix/pseuds/BarricadeKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grantaire is not sure how long he can still do it.<br/>It would be so much easier if he'd only say Yes to Grantaire, even if he would just do it once.<br/>But Enjolras is always saying No, always.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If you'd only say yes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [larkspvr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/larkspvr/gifts).



> I never planned to write more on this situation, but the darling larkspvr asked so nicely that I couldn't resist.  
> (Also loads of ideas and quotes hit me in the soul while I was doing a tour on my bike. Heartbreaking, but still exciting.)  
> Hope you guys like it!  
> Love, Liz x

Grantaire leaves without a single look back.

He clenches his jaw, shuts the door carefully and pretends to be alright with this. He should, shouldn't he? He had brilliant sex with a gorgeous man, but he still feels empty, the emptiness he usually seeks to fill with physical intimacy.

It used to be enough, through the years, getting into bed with people and walking away afterwards, feeling content with himself and the world. Entry Enjolras and his entire life is upside down.

He doesn't sleep with other people anymore.

He knows there is no reason for it, because Enjolras already expects the worst from him, so why not fulfil the picture he's got of him? The truth is: He can't. He tried, and he couldn't. There is only so much you can pretend.

Of course he still makes a big show out of his reputation as a true Casanova, having a different woman on his lap every time he sees Enjolras or a different man pressed against the wall when he knows he will walk past. He doesn't enjoy it like he used to, and a part of him knows that he only does it because he knows that Enjolras will _see_ it.

It’s sick, and unhealthy, but well. Grantaire knows which kind of reaction he wants, he feverishly awaits, but he also knows he will never get it. He might be stupid, but not entirely blind.

Enjolras will never be jealous. Why would he be? He despises Grantaire with all his soul; they’re both aware of that. Grantaire still comes to him though, not daring to knock because he is afraid that he won't be allowed to enter one day. Enjolras still gets off every time, so why would he mind if Grantaire sleeps around?

He licks his lips, absent-minded, and wishes he couldn’t still taste the other man on him. At the same time, he doesn't want Enjolras's taste to fade, because then he has to come back to him, renew it, and try to imprint it in his brain.

Grantaire is not sure how long he can still do it.

It would be so much easier if he'd only say Yes. Yes to Grantaire, even if he would just do it once. But Enjolras is always saying No, always. There is never a Yes for Grantaire. Not with him. Always it's No.

_No, you can't stay._

_No, I won't touch you when we are finished._

_No, I can't have you be in love with me._

_No, I will never ever have any feelings for you except disdain, annoyance and scorn._

He doesn't always say it out loud, but Grantaire sees the No loud and clear in the blue eyes he has started to see when he closes his own. He sees him all the time, even now, looking at how the sun peeks over the first low roof tops, he can only think of Enjolras, how much he wants to turn around, fall into bed with him again, throw his arms around his body and never leave his side again.

Grantaire knows he won't do it, because he already knows Enjolras's answer will be No. Like it always is.

The only reason he still holds on to this madness is that he hopes that one day, maybe, Enjolras will say Yes.

So he waits, and he knows it's stupid, but he still does.


End file.
